Really begining to rethink my life.  I cannot ignore the things that are poisoning me.  Not sure that I can see me with this guy, really, much longer.  I feel the indifference, ebb in waves.  And he still will do and say things that make me feel bad, or worse.  I need to feel good about myself, and to find someone who makes me feel good about myself, without having to wonder what he is saying and doing, without the doubt that he's screwing around, or, even, playing games.  Trust.  I tried to regain after a year, when he cheated with a straight man by trying oral sex.  But he is still not any better.  Its feeling like there is not much left.  I have tried to give everything.  Maybe too much, and lost myself (self-respect) along the way.