Mean Quotes1

Oh look.  Isn't that one of your ex's?  EEK...What's up with those teeth?  What did it feel like getting a blow job from that that?  Like sticking your pecker in a barrel full of chainsaws?

First posting...moving on up in the world.  Started to text about ten years ago.  Got my laptop two years ago.  On Twitter. On Facebook. On tumblr.  Yay for me now on Blogger.  Hello. I am Bryon and I am now a blogger.. how cool is that?  So debut post is a test.  So not what the blog is about. So hello.  I hope to make some new friends.

Conversations with my salad….

“Tomato look how soft and mushy you are.  No, I am not going to spare you.  Oh yeah, I am so cutting you up, you sad little broken thing”

“Aw…celery..wilted and pale..(giving it a good shake)..reminds me of a guy I once dated…”

“Cucumber…ah I know you well…the things I’ve done to and with some of your relatives….”

“That goes for you too Mr. Carrot….”

“Gonna mix you all up in a bowl…y’all better get along or else!”

And I'M the DIVA??

One memorable night getting ready to go to the bar:

We had been going to the bar a lot, often enough to be considered regulars.  This one time, after a rather long lazy day, Mr. Str8 realized the time, and was afraid we would be ‘late’ (as if showing up before midnight was late).  He proceeded to rush us to get ready.  As it was customary, I showered first (I take less shower time, more prep time).  Once all dressed, and mere moments from leaving, (after being half an hour ‘late already’)…
I find Mr. Str8 standing in front of the mirror, obsessively trying to do something with his hair.  With mumbled curses, grunts, and a rather comical expression, he was getting angry.  I was nearly barreled down as he stormed off into the bathroom.
I was left standing in diva stance, waving a hand about, wearing a deadly expression on my face.  “Ah, hello?  You yell at me saying we’re late…WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“I can’t go looking like this.  My hair won’t do what I want, so I’m washing it again.”

And I’m the diva….????